New Scrapbooking place

I went tonight (saturday) to scrapbook at a new store. I love it, it is just the right size, the people are way laid back and friendly. Last weekends events may have been a blessing in disguise. I didn't get to crop with my sister, the doctor took her off her pain patch, and now her hands hurt so bad she can barely hold a phone (car accident). So, not sure if I am gonna be cropping with her for quite awhile. :-( I got lots of pages done tonight, and hope to get them uploaded here tomorrow...well, today, cause now it is sunday, lol. I also met some new ladies while scrapbooking, they were really nice. I hope to see them next saturday....I already have my reservation. :-)

Dead Mom Club

OK, I finally watched last nights episode of Grey's Anatomy...I was a blubbering fool through almost the whole episode. The whole cancer issue with Georges' dad really brought up some grief that I have been trying to cover up or at least thought I was through with for the most part. It was just too real for me, I was feeling what he felt (the character). The pit in the bottom of my stomach, the lump in my throat. You are walking around feeling like you are moving in slow motion, and the rest of the world is just speeding right past you. In the midst of your loss and your grief...life is continuing all around you. For me...time was standing still, the pain was agonizing. I still remember the feeling I felt sitting in the doctors office with my mother when the doctor told us she had cancer...seeing her cry, trying to hold back my own tears...not knowing we had less than two months left with her.

When George found out the doctors removed the cancer at his fathers request, he was so angry. He was now losing his father sooner. He could have had a few more weeks or months. I sometimes feel that way about my mother, wishing she hadn't had the chemo. Thinking that if we wouldn't have had her get it, she would have survived a little longer, had a little more time with her. But I have to remind myself that she would have suffered greater and probably longer.

You know the writers know the what they are writing about, they have been there, they must have been. Like Yang said on this episode...you are now a member of a club, one you didn't ask to be a member of. George is a member of the Dead dad club...I am a member of the Dead Mom club. And like him, I just dont' know how to live in a world where my mother does not exisit anymore. Even a little over a year later...sometimes, I forget how real it is. She is gone, and I have a membership to a club I never wanted.

Pulling myself up...

Well, after a bad weekend and mostly bad week, because of much drama and depression, I have finally pulled myself out of it. When something bad happens to me, it usually affects me for awhile. But, I have decided to pull my self up, kick off the dust and pull the knife out of my back and move on. Seriously. Too much drama for me to post what happened here. I have decided to move forward and make new local scrapbooking friends. I am keeping some of the old ones, they are just such sweet women, I am just unable to crop with them currently.
I am cropping this saturday at a local store, one I have never cropped at before, it looks nice, not as big as the old one, but that doesn't matter, they are nice just the same. And, my sister will be with me, so that is a plus, and great for her to get out too and fellowship with some women and make new friends.
I am going to go ahead and keep scrapbook fellowship, it is a group I initially started to help my sister meet some scrapbookers in her area, I did it with the best of intentions, but it caused problems for me personally and I almost deleted it. But after much sleep, wellbutrin and prayer, I have decided to make that group a worldwide group for croppers to chat, do online challenges and cybercrops, and then created a sub group locally. Kinda like I have done for Militarywives4christ, I created a main group over 7 yrs ago, we are now almost 200 membes strong, people come and go, but we still have members who have been with us for years. We also have smaller groups in states with large military bases. It is a big job, but I have great moderators who have helped me greatly.
I am feeling encouraged, and more up to the challenge. I dont' think I would have done this, had the other door been slammed in my face. Something I didnt' see coming. But like I have always heard, 'when a door closes, God opens another one.' He is working good for me in the midst of the bad. Things will get better. I had no intention of heading up another large group, but maybe that is what God wants for me right now...I hope He will reveal His will for me, things would be so much clearer then. But I have hope.