(edited to protect family members) Ok, I thought I would edit the post to make it more anonymous...A family member is using stuff that she says my dead mother said about me to hurt me...how do I handle a situation like this? It seems so evil to me to use someones dead mother to try to emotional attack and hurt a person.
Also: When my mom died (of terminal stage 4 lung cancer), This family member asked my sister..."Do you think they killed her?" Now who in the heck is 'they'? I am assumming she means me, my husband and my dad, because we all lived in the same house...I dropped it and never brought it up to her. Guess I had to get it off my chest since all this happened, how do I emotionally get past this? I havent' slept all night.
Friday, March 17, 2006
I am so Hurt
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8 comments:
Chelle -
I think Satan is trying to attack you while you are down. Don't let him. You are still grieving.
Take the words that you personally have down on video, paper, notes, whatever -- that your mom has left you. And keep those in your heart and memories of how she felt about you. Those are fact. The others are not corroborated and are rumor. Let them not infiltrate your heart.
Oh Chelle!
I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this. People can be so cruel. Don't you know that your cousin picked the ONE thing that she KNEW would get to you? She obviously has some problems in her life. She purposefully hurt you, sweetie - for no reason.
I'm sure that if someone sat and told me every negative thing my Mom ever said (or didn't say) about me that I would be crushed. Mom's aren't perfect (I know because I am one, lol) and sometimes say things out of frustration and/or anger. Anything your Cousin said would be taken out of context, if it was even true (and it probably wasn't). You just can't listen to things like that. You know in your heart how much your Mom loved you. Hang on to those feelings. Don't let someone say anything to you true or false that would damage that.
I think you did the right thing by telling your sister what she said. Your sister doesn't need someone spreading rumors about her marriage. Even if she did say something to your cousin about her problems. . .I mean every marriage has problems and it helps to talk about them to a trusted friend sometimes. Lesson learned that your Cousin is NOT a trusted friend.
I would pray for her & try to forgive. In the future however, I would guard my words around her.
(((Chelle)))
Melinda
From Alyssa:
Awww!!! :( ((((Chelle)))) That was SO not nice. And good for you for holding your tongue. I would just not say anything more to her & let the Lord work on her. If she's a decent person, I'm sure the guilt will get to her & hopefully she'll apologize. A decent person would never say anything like that- using what your mom most likely never even said like that. :( HUGS!
Love, Alyssa
Chelle, I really don't mean to sound like I don't care about what happened to you, because I do!!! **But**, I learned a long time ago not to worry about what anyone says about me. I've been hurt more times than you can imagine by one of my brothers, and I am just hardened to it. Ya know what I do when I get wind of him saying something horrible about me? I pray even harder for him. What she says about you means absolutely NOTHING! Don't worry about it. Just try to forget it and move on. I have to agree with your dad on this one. Big hugs to you!!!! People can say that the dead have said something because that person isn't around to defend themselves. This has happened with my family about my dad. Just pray extra hard for her sweetie.
Renee
From Christina in Navarre:
RE: your latest blog
I tried to comment on your blog, but it was acting up. I too, have had e-mail and snail mail wars with family. It hurts, but it happens. I think that you never should have mentioned it to your sister, because your sister obvioulsy told your cousin enough to make your cousin think that your sister's marriage was in trouble. That's your sister's business to tell. And your sister's fault for telling the wrong person the wrong things. But you were protecting your sister, and I understand that. It's like that phone game though ... it starts out one way and ends another. You really don't know what your sister told your cousin after you e-mailed her. Though your cousin sounds a little crazy, she might have gotten a different version than you. I also feel that your sister should have left it alone after you told her. Not run back to your cousin with more gossip and hear say. You were protecting her in the start, but she stirred up trouble in the end, for you. You say that your cousin is a Christian, but her words and actions lead me to believe that she is lonely and has not much of a life, so she has to cause drama where it used to be drama free. My advice to you ... block her e-mail, and Im if she has it. If she has already wrote again and told your sister to tell you something else, she will keep it going until it's WW3. I know it hurts you, and I know you care deeply how your cousin feels about you. But she spoke of ill words that your mother may or may not have said, and that is just wrong when your mother is no longer here with you. You didn't know her well before .. will you really miss not talking to her from now on? God Bless and Good luck. Next time, let it go in one ear and out the other. Sometimes when we try to help it just makes a situation worse .. trust me I know first hand. It will all work all it the end, and now you have learned a valuable lesson. That was God's plan all along. Take care & keep blogging!
My only thoughts about that are that usually when someone attacks someone so personally than they have some inner struggles that they are trying to not deal with. Usually when people lash out like that they are accusing people of the same things they feel convicted of. (ie. the democratic party). I would never have thought you a snob and I would probably have to agree with your dad. If she doesn't know you, and you know that your mother loved you, than don't let her use your mom to hurt you. Count on the people who know you, not the ones who don't. Hope this helps.
--Dawn
Hi Michelle,
I tried to call you today and someone answered your phone. No one said
anything but I could hear voices in the backgroud for a few seconds then the
phone hung up. I wish you had called me back and talked to me about this. I
hate to see you hurting so bad. MIchelle I find it hard to believe your mom
said anything bad about you to this cousin. Your mom came to live with you
and wanted to be near you. You have to let it go if you can. Your mom loved
you and this cousin is either unhappy herself or really is going crazy like
your dad said. This cousin of yours was mean enough to bring up your mother
who was dead. She also knows you can't talk to your mom because your mom is
gone. I have a feeling that this cousin is very jealous of you and now that
you are moving and getting another very nice house and your husband is a
pilot you have many things. Poeple that get mean and jealous see other
people fortunes and good lives and want it. But the want it so bad that they
get bitter towards the poeple that do have those things. The godly person is
happy for those that have those things. Pray for your cousin because it does
not sound like she a godly person to me. Michelle, you have such a good
heart. Don't let this cousin put ideas in your head about your mom. Call me!
LOve, Marie
Sweety, I am praying for you. I agree with what Renee said. Try to
put it out of your mind. It'll just tear you up if you let it.
Sounds like that's what your cousin wants. Don't fall for that
trap. Just pray for your cousin. I actually do know what I am
talking about. Like Renee, I have a brother out there that I am
sure says dirty, mean things about me. If I let it, it would eat me
alive. I just have to put it out of my mind. Although I know it
does hurt.
Ann
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