Christmas Day

Christmas day was kinda laid back. I was very thrilled when my dear husband called and we all got to speak to him, that was a great present to me. Christina, Jeremiah and the kids came over for turkey around 3pm. Stayed a few hours then went home because my sister was tired. I was majorly sad/lonely and bored by 7:30/8pm. I asked dad to go to the movies with me...he said no, he didn't want to. I asked the boys....they said they didn't want to go. I was going to go by myself to a late movie, around 9:45pm...but then got scared to got out at night by myself. Not fearful of going, but fearful of getting robbed or killed in the mall parking lot after the movie let out near 11 at night. So, I groveled in my own loneliness on myspace, lol, while dad watched boring TV programs in the living room.

I was kind resentful of him not wanting to go with me, and then the kids not wanting to go either. I felt like I needed to do something, I felt like the walls were closing in on me, the holidays and my husband being gone were/are getting to me. And of course, when you need people to be there for you the most...they usually aren't. I was gonna see a movie I wanted to see sometime soon with someone, but they made plans with someone else...anyone want to see Sweeney Todd with me? I sure can't take the kids to that one.

Anyhow, only 5 months and 10 days to go til my hear husband comes home. I am considering looking into a job, but I don't want to work for a under 11-12 dollars an hour...or I can start ebaying again. I need to do something to help out...especially if we are gonna put the boys in private school, we will see. I am also going to look into doing phone work from home. Any how, that is enough of my rambling for today, thanks for reading this far, ;-).

Christmas presents....

Well, the kids just finished opening all their presents and now they are playing with them. Christian got a Nintendo DS with 2 Games (pokemon pearl and transformers), a shirt, a bionicle, a board game called so you think you're smarter than a 5th grader. A jack sparrow toy from his grandparents. A pencil holder from London from daddy. (Christians game was expensive, so it looks like he got less...but he got what he wanted :-) --)

Elijah got a Squawkers Macaw, A Disney Storybook, Ben 10 ship and 2 ben 10 aliens. A bionicle. A Ben 10 and Shrek Video game.
A pencil holder from London from daddy. And a pirates of the caribbean toy from grandparents.

As a shared gift they got a Playstation 2,
with wireless controller,
a spiderman and hobbit game for it as well.


And lots of little stuff in their stockings, I am probably forgetting to mention stuff.

They loved all their presents...heck I am jealous of his squawkers macaw...I want to cuddle it and talk to it....I want me a blue and gold macaw :-( But I have to wait til hubby comes home and we would have to get a big enough bird cage for a large macaw. I am telling ya though...Elijah's toy bird is so cute!

Merry Christmas Everyone!

?????

Huck being gone really sucks, this is one of the times it really sucks having a king sized bed...it is so empty. I am trying to keep myself surrounded by family and friends and trying to make new friends as well. I mean, all i have is my father and two sons and a girl needs to have some chat time and fellowship time with someone other than her father and kids all the time...I am a 32 yr old female for petes sake, lol. I have a sister, but she has six kids and she can't spend the time with me I need...I am gonna be really needy for the next 6.5 months...anyone want an adopted daughter or sister? I am now taking applications, LOL.

I had a scrapbooking event at my house and only one person showed up...after I ordered 5 pizza's to feed everyone!!!! I don't think I will be such a gracious host in the future...I try to be a good friend, I try to be giving of myself...all I want is a little reliablity in people. When you say you are gonna do something, do it. Say you are gonna be somewhere, be there...or at least CALL and let them know in advance you aren't coming. I mean I can understand that things happen (like flat tires, broke down cars, illnesses, deaths, funerals, etc.), but some people just like to back out at the last minute, giving no regard for how much planning or money you put into an event.

I just wish I had my best friend Marie...she gets me and I get her...and she was almost always there for me, mind you, she has her own family, but she was there for me most of the time. I am sure I could call her in the middle of the night if I was scared and alone, and she would come stay with me, I can't even say that about family...other than my father, cause hey...he lives here, lol.

Marie, if you are reading this...I love you and miss you, friends like you are few and far between. I miss our scrapbooking nites together, and our dinners at Captain Georges, the playgroups we used to attend with each other, and the lunches we would have with the kids.

Anyhow, enough of my rant...I know I will get through these trials...it just helps to have some close understanding friends along for the ride as well.

London Pictures

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More pictures on HuckandMichelle.com

Little Lost Girl....

My dream last night:

I found a little girl, no older than 5, she was beautiful and so sweet, she had blonde hair. She seemed to be lost and came to me for help....I wanted to keep her. I carried her around with me for awhile as if she was my own, she then told me she had to leave and I started crying. She turned to me and told me that she could come back, and she placed her hand on my stomach. She began to walk away, and as she walked away, with her back to me, She met up with a tall dark haired man wearing white...her clothes then turned white also. I watched them as they walked away holding hands down a long narrow road...I was crying not wanting her to leave.

In this dream I had, I told my husband about the girl and that I wanted to have her, he was upset. He didn't want the little girl. Instead, he was riding around in a nice blue firebird. He then started to mock me about my weight. Telling me that I had enough stretch marks and didn't need another baby. I was so upset and crying...then I woke up.

While I have hope that I could have this little girl that came to me in my dream. I am also reminded of the fact that my dear husband has made it quite clear he doesn't want anymore children.
I know he would never make fun of my weight...I think my stress and anxiety were displayed in his reactions in my dream, along with all my insecurities. And he does want his firebird restored, so I think that is why he was there with this firebird.

Anyhow, I am very sad this morning because of this dream. If I am supposed to have another child and it is supposed to be a little girl...maybe God will send her in another dream to me.

Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat

November 1st was a really long day for me, with Huck leaving for deployment and all. So, I really didn't expect to enjoy the dinner theatre I was going to with my sister for her birthday.
But, to my surprise it was the cutest, funnest show I have seen in a long time maybe ever. I never laughed so hard in my life.
It was pretty biblically accurate with comedy added to it. For example....Elvis was The King of Egypt...we got to see Joseph in his gold underwear briefly.
It was a great night, we had pina coladas and dinner and a great musical show.
At the end of the night, Christina even got her picture taken with Joseph and they Guy playing Pharoh (elvis).
Here is the link to the lead guy's website: XanderChanuncey.net Here is Alhambras website: Alhambra

Huck is now deployed

We dropped huck off the morning of November 1st, 2007. We stayed with him at his work while he prepared to leave. When it was time, he got us some ear plugs and took us to watch him fly off in the helicopter. It was pretty cool, I got to actually finally see him fly a helicopter.

Before he had to go, He hugged me, and I didn't want to let go. I tried to hold back the tears...didn't want the boys to see me cry.

He is now in Norfolk, Virginia, until monday, when they leave officially for deployment. Please pray for his safety during this deployment, and also for my sanity and the boys, 7 months is a long time for daddy to be gone. :-(

I will try and keep this blog updated.

Alot going on...

Well, gosh, the past few months seem to be so hectic. Here is some of the stuff we did over the past few months:

Huck was deployed alittle while over the summer. When he came home he took 25 days leave, his parents visited and we all spent a week in orlando. We visited Disney World's Magic Kingdom, Mgm Studios, and Ripleys. When we came home we visted St. Augustines Castillo de San Marco, and The St. Augustine Lighthouse.

The kids started school, we held Christian back in 5th grade because he was struggling. Elijah started the 1st grade. Christian is doing fair in school, I want him to do better, but he is so disorganized and we are having issues with him misplacing homework and such. Elijah is just plain stubborn, he doesn't like school at all, he would rather stay home and be a super hero all day long.

I have been having issues with my gallbladder, bad pain if I eat fried/greasy foods...even lean red meats. Most things I eat now, even lean stuff, I feel something going on in my gallbladder/liver area.

I went to the doctor and got an ultrasound, ultrasound said my gallbladder was normal, but my liver had fatty deposits (from being overweight I assume).

I recently noticed a small red spot on one of my breasts, I noticed over a week or two, it got bigger and the skin started flaking...so now I am fearful it may be cancer.

I followed up with the doctor about my gallbladder and for a referral to see a weight loss surgeon and I also showed him the spot on my breast, he looked concerned. He gave me a prescription for some cream, incase it is a skin irritation, but also wants me to have a sonagram...so that will be scheduled soon.

My Doctor said that the gallbladder ultrasound likely showed nothing because I was on a fast. He said there was a test they could do to check my gallbladder function, and that with my referral to a weight loss doctor, they would run all those tests before performing any surgery.

So, now I am just waiting for the referrals (they mail them for some reason). I hope to be cancer free and skinny (or just down 80-100 pounds) by this time next year, lol. The only thing I would see to be holding me back from gastric bypass surgery would be breast cancer...I pray I don't have it....I am praying for just a skin irritation.

Huck will be deploying in 2 weeks, he will be gone for 7 months...I am already feeling the stress of it. I watched a video about missing someone and broke down in tears already, and he hasn't even left yet. Gosh, I haven't had to deal with a long deployment in years...since before Elijah was born...and 7 months is long...I fear the military will make it longer than 7 months. With the war and such, they have been doing those things, extending deployments.

I will update my blog as I find out more.

I think I have about had it!

To my dear friends and family... I have recently come under attack by some people... They will remain nameless, they know who they are.



I recently sent out an update on elijah and a request for prayer. Well...a few posts down from the "Elijah update" (http://huckandmichelle.blogspot.com/2007/06/booger-flavor-yeah.html) is a post about Elijah eating some booger flavored Bertie Botts every flavor beans. An assumption was made about the 'spiritual' status of our home and family from that post.



Makes me wonder what they thought of the picture of Elijah wearing his Jack Sparrow POTC dress up stuff.



From what they said to me, the depression I have suffered in the past over the loss of my mother, my husbands deployments, the cabinets falling off the kitchen walls (due to incorrect install, we had it looked at by professional installer), Christian having a seizure/passing out, and Elijah's need for attention while his father is deployed and his electrical shock from playing with his night light...is all caused by demonic forces because my house has 'low level demons' (so they have ranks/levels now huh?), and the fact that I teach my kids 'spells' and not bible stories. (that is a big load of poo)



First off, my kids know 'bible stories' and they aren't taught "spells". We attend church, although not every week as of late, we are a praying and God loving family. I think that those comments are what made me so mad...saying I teach my boys spells...how dare them...they dont' know us! This person(s) made that assumption due to the fact that I posted that Elijah ate some Bertie Botts every flavor beans and liked them. (The boys are starting Awana soon, for those that are concerned with their spiritual learning, Elijah/Awana-Christian/the Bridge)



Secondly, I haven't seen this person since November 2006, and before that, September 2005 and before that, it was a few years. It is amazing how much they assume and conclude from reading a few posts from huckandmichelle.com



I could do alot of assuming about them from what I know and have been told, but that wouldn't be right either.



So, a note to family and friends, if I ask for prayer, dont' email me disecting the problem, or what you assume the problem to be, if you dont' like my prayer request, delete them. If I am sending out prayer requests, it is because I need love and prayer, not attacks.


One of these persons is quoted as saying: "Maybe if you did a spiritual house cleaning you wouldn't have so much warfare in your home or low level devils harassing you and your family"



Someone in this same family claims that our cabinets fell off the walls because we are not 'spiritually' clean and we watch harry potter.



Another person from the same family claims that magnet therapy is witchcraft and that the movie finding nemo is evil because nemo spelled backwards is "omen"



Guess I have learned my lessons asking them for prayer...I ignored their eccentricites in the past, but I cannot now that they have started pointing at the speck in my eye when they they the whole frame of a house in theirs. ugh...some people.



Oh, yeah, and if you feel like praying....I could use some prayer to get this now huge chip off my shoulder.

Update on Me and Elijah

Hey everyone,
sorry I haven't written much lately. Thanks to everyone who has responded to my email about me being too fat, so much great info and advice...I am saving all your replies.
I have been going through a bit of depression lately and I am also dealing with a 6 yr old having panic attacks, ugh. Started when he (Elijah) got an electrical shock from a nite light about a week ago, he has been fearing death since then...his poor body was so tense and he was shaking and screaming that he didnt' want to die. Last night I had to take him to the emergency room at NAS Jax at 4am. They did and ekg and tested his urine and he was fine. Tonight at about 1am he started screaming he needed to go to the hospital that his eyes were burning and hurting, full out panic attack and freaking out. I think he has a sinus infection, he made me turn out all the lights in the house, said it made his eyes hurt worse. So, I gave him some sinus meds and tylenol, and made him layou on the couch in the living room with me, he feel asleep about 45 minutes later, but before he fell asleep, he kept asking me to take him to the hospital.
I dont' know what has prompted these panic attacks, whether it was the electric shock from his night light or a combination of that and not seeing his dad for a month since he is out on the boat.
Any how, please say a prayer for Elijah and I.

small update

Alot is going on lately, but I am working on writing it all down in a mini novel update on me and my family, lol.

But just a small update for now.

The kids are good, Elijah has asthma and has to use an inhalor daily. We are going to replace our carpets with hardwood floors to help rid of allergens...that will take a while to save for.

Christian is good, he has been off his adhd meds a little over a week and is doing great. I have to remind him now and again to calm down, but nothing like how he was 5 yrs ago. He is also almost 5'4 and 101 pounds! My 11yr old son! I can't believe it!

School is out, and we are planning some fun trips to the zoo, free summer movies and the beach.

As for me, I have kinda left my job for the summer, I told them I couldn't work due to not having reliable day care...turns out, two of the other ladies at work were wanting more hours, so it worked out well for all of us. I am on call for when someone can't work. So, I pretty much plan to not work the whole summer :-).

Anyhow, I will update more later.

Scrapbooking Moms in Florida

We will be having weekly coffee and play dates, trips to the free summer movies, and monthly moms night out scrapbooking events in home and in the local scrapbooking store.

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Kids say the sweetest things...sometimes :-)

I was at the grocery store with Elijah and Christian the other day. The boys were talking to each other but I really wasn't paying too much attention. We were getting produce when I heard Elijah say...."I am going to go all the way to the edge of space, maybe Heaven is there, then I can see grandma. I miss her, and I am gonna bring my video games" (she used to play video games with the boys) That was the cutest most sweetest thing I have heard in the longest time. I assume they were playing make believe or something, he likes to walk around the house with a piece of paper saying it is his map and he is trying to find his space ship, imaginative boy, lol. Crazy kid says he wants a house as big as super walmart so he can have more adventures, lol.
I just wanted to share his sweetness with ya....cause they are starting to be few and far between, lol.

Crop a Latte

Looking forward to friday night, it is our first 'Crop-a-Latte' Crop (visit http://www.cropalatte.blogspot.com for more details). Gonna be prepping for it all week, making sure I have enough tables and chairs, food, etc. I used to hold crops like this in pensacola before I moved here, we always had a packed house for those, it was alot of fun, I was so depressed when I had to leave all my scrapping friends in the area behind.

I have met some sweet ladies in this area, so moving was a good thing, but still miss my Virginia beach and Pensacola/Milton friends.

My cough is almost gone, I am stoked about that, still cough here and there, just a little tickle on my throat...Ugh, I hate allergies, lol.

I will update more later. I have to work on some decor for the crop. :-)

Scrap n stuff

I had a blast at scrap n stuff tonight. I met alot of new ladies, got to scrapbook with my sister. I am so glad things have turned out the way they have the past couple of weeks, it is all for the better. It got me out of my comfort zone and scrappin with some new ladies and I am making some new gal pals. Best of all was the fact that I got to scrapbook with my sister.

Scrap n stuff is a great place, really laid back and friendly. And it is smaller than the other store I had been scrapbooking at, so it is easy to get acquainted with most everyone. I now look forward to my saturday nights.

Shirley Goodnest

A mom was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school. He didn't want his mother to walk with him. She wanted to give him the feeling that he had some independence, but yet know that he was safe.

So she had an idea of how to handle it. She asked a neighbor, Mrs. Goodnest, if she would please follow him to school in the mornings, staying at a distance, so he probably wouldn't notice her.

Mrs. Goodnest said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well, so she agreed.

The next school day, Mrs. Goodnest and her little girl, Marcy, set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor boy he knew. She did this for the whole week.

As the boys walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, Timmy's little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week.

Finally he said to Timmy, "Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week?
Do you know her?"

Timmy nonchalantly replied, "Yeah, I know who she is."

The friend said, "Well, who is she"?

"That's just Shirley Goodnest", Timmy replied, "and her daughter Marcy".

"Shirley Goodnest? Who the heck is she and why is she following us"?

"Well", Timmy explained, "every night my Mom makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers, 'cuz she worries about me so much. And in the Psalm, it says, 'Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life', so I guess I'll just have to get used to it"!

The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift His countenance upon you, and give you peace. Numbers 6:22-26

May Shirley Goodnest and Marcy be with you today and always.

forgiveness

The Lord has really been speaking to my heart this past week. I have been dealing with resentment and unforgiveness of others that have hurt me. I realize that I am hurting no one but myself with these feelings, and I am strapping them to my back and carrying the weight of them around by harboring such feelings.

So all I have to do is forgive them, give myself permission to, and I have. Even though they have hurt me, I am not so sure they exactly meant to do so. I am going to show some grace and mercy, after all....I have been forgiven many, many times over, and I have not deserved a bit of it, but the Lord gave it to me.

Thank you Jesus for showing me grace and mercy, and reminding me of when I also need to share that grace and mercy.

Updates

Thanks to everyone praying for my neice, Noelle, the test results revealed two urinary tract systems connected to one kidney. They are running more tests, but she is ok, and at home for now.

I had my son, Christian tested for him to return to public school (I have been homeschooling him this year). I am so pleased, he tested above grade level in alot of areas. He is no longer behind in anything.
Here are his results:
(he is currently in 5th grade and 11yrs and 1month old)

Score Summary:

General Information Grade Equivalent was 5.4th grade level
age equivalent 11yrs old

Reading Recognition Grade Equivalent was 6th grade
age 11yrs and 4mos old

Reading comprehension Grade Equivalent was 8th grade
age equivalent was 13yrs and 3mos old

Mathematics Grade Equivalent was 6.7th grade
Age equivalent was 12yrs and 3mos old

Spelling Grade Equivalent was 6.9th grade
Age equivalent was 12yrs and 4mos old

I was worried that I was cutting it as his teacher, but apparently I was doing much better than I thought. Great Job Christian, we are so proud of you. :-) He should be starting public school next week, and I might get a job or take some courses at the community college.

I am sick again...darn cold, I hope it is gone by saturday, I don't want to miss the crop at scrap in stuff on saturday. Please keep me in your prayers, also my son Elijah, he is sick too and has missed two days of school this week.

New Scrapbooking place

I went tonight (saturday) to scrapbook at a new store. I love it, it is just the right size, the people are way laid back and friendly. Last weekends events may have been a blessing in disguise. I didn't get to crop with my sister, the doctor took her off her pain patch, and now her hands hurt so bad she can barely hold a phone (car accident). So, not sure if I am gonna be cropping with her for quite awhile. :-( I got lots of pages done tonight, and hope to get them uploaded here tomorrow...well, today, cause now it is sunday, lol. I also met some new ladies while scrapbooking, they were really nice. I hope to see them next saturday....I already have my reservation. :-)

Dead Mom Club

OK, I finally watched last nights episode of Grey's Anatomy...I was a blubbering fool through almost the whole episode. The whole cancer issue with Georges' dad really brought up some grief that I have been trying to cover up or at least thought I was through with for the most part. It was just too real for me, I was feeling what he felt (the character). The pit in the bottom of my stomach, the lump in my throat. You are walking around feeling like you are moving in slow motion, and the rest of the world is just speeding right past you. In the midst of your loss and your grief...life is continuing all around you. For me...time was standing still, the pain was agonizing. I still remember the feeling I felt sitting in the doctors office with my mother when the doctor told us she had cancer...seeing her cry, trying to hold back my own tears...not knowing we had less than two months left with her.

When George found out the doctors removed the cancer at his fathers request, he was so angry. He was now losing his father sooner. He could have had a few more weeks or months. I sometimes feel that way about my mother, wishing she hadn't had the chemo. Thinking that if we wouldn't have had her get it, she would have survived a little longer, had a little more time with her. But I have to remind myself that she would have suffered greater and probably longer.

You know the writers know the what they are writing about, they have been there, they must have been. Like Yang said on this episode...you are now a member of a club, one you didn't ask to be a member of. George is a member of the Dead dad club...I am a member of the Dead Mom club. And like him, I just dont' know how to live in a world where my mother does not exisit anymore. Even a little over a year later...sometimes, I forget how real it is. She is gone, and I have a membership to a club I never wanted.

Pulling myself up...

Well, after a bad weekend and mostly bad week, because of much drama and depression, I have finally pulled myself out of it. When something bad happens to me, it usually affects me for awhile. But, I have decided to pull my self up, kick off the dust and pull the knife out of my back and move on. Seriously. Too much drama for me to post what happened here. I have decided to move forward and make new local scrapbooking friends. I am keeping some of the old ones, they are just such sweet women, I am just unable to crop with them currently.
I am cropping this saturday at a local store, one I have never cropped at before, it looks nice, not as big as the old one, but that doesn't matter, they are nice just the same. And, my sister will be with me, so that is a plus, and great for her to get out too and fellowship with some women and make new friends.
I am going to go ahead and keep scrapbook fellowship, it is a group I initially started to help my sister meet some scrapbookers in her area, I did it with the best of intentions, but it caused problems for me personally and I almost deleted it. But after much sleep, wellbutrin and prayer, I have decided to make that group a worldwide group for croppers to chat, do online challenges and cybercrops, and then created a sub group locally. Kinda like I have done for Militarywives4christ, I created a main group over 7 yrs ago, we are now almost 200 membes strong, people come and go, but we still have members who have been with us for years. We also have smaller groups in states with large military bases. It is a big job, but I have great moderators who have helped me greatly.
I am feeling encouraged, and more up to the challenge. I dont' think I would have done this, had the other door been slammed in my face. Something I didnt' see coming. But like I have always heard, 'when a door closes, God opens another one.' He is working good for me in the midst of the bad. Things will get better. I had no intention of heading up another large group, but maybe that is what God wants for me right now...I hope He will reveal His will for me, things would be so much clearer then. But I have hope.