Small update

Started therapy with a mental health counselor last week. Feels good being about to unload and it not being on my poor friends, lol...I know they must be sick of it all, lol.
Anyhow, since then, I have started having weird dreams. Worst was last night/this morning...I dreamed that my sister was pregnant (she can't get prego anymore) and whatever was inside her was trying to get out, I could see the face and hands trying to push through her stomach...she was in a lot of pain. When I realized it wasn't a baby, but something evil looking, I spoke to it, told it to leave her in Jesus' name...it turned to me (from inside her stomach), I could see it's face pressing through her stomach and it gave the evilest smile I think I have ever seen...it was demonic in nature. My mom was there, on the other side of me, for some reason we were lying on a big bed, me in the middle, my mom and sister on each side of me.

I was terrified, trying to crawl over my mother to get away from it....then I woke up. It was very disturbing.

I have been speculating over it's meaning, and I don't like the possible meanings...and I do believe God can give us dreams to tell us things...or it could just be a dream that my current stressed out mind gave me over the current situation going on in her life and it just manifested in my dreams. I dunno, but I don't like disturbing dreams.

December 2008 Blog: Elijah

I am so stressed lately, and really worried about Elijah. I know he has anxiety issues and now he has started hitting himself a lot.

The smallest things seem to set him off, his trigger from what I have seen at home seems to be his brother a lot of the time, sometimes, it is when he can't have what he asks us for, then he will hit himself in the head or legs. I just don't know.

A few weeks ago, while we were waiting for his peer counseling to start, we were sitting in the waiting room. Well, he gets up from sitting next to his brother to ask me something.

While I am talking to him, a woman comes in and sits where he was sitting, and he turns around, sees her in his spot, and he breaks out in tears. She offered the seat back, but he wouldn't take it. After his counseling session, his doctor came out and told me that Elijah was hitting himself and calling himself stupid the whole time.

Fast forward about a week, I am picking him up at school, his teacher tells me he is hitting his head on the table, and was having major anxiety. She has never seem him this way before.

I am so worried, I don't know how to discipline him when he gets this way. I try and stay calm, and talk to him in a calm voice, but it is hard because I am also worried about his mental/emotional state.

Today when I picked him up from school, he seemed fine. Until he feel asleep in the car on the way home, and when we got home Christian yelled at him to wake up, Christian tends to be pushy and loud with Elijah. So when we come in the house, Elijah is upset, crying, angry, hitting himself and trying to hit Christian.

I told him to go to his room, and Elijah walked over to the coffee table, picked up a crayon and broke it into several pieces. He also rips up paper and tries to break toys. And sometimes with take whatever he is holding and hit himself over the head with it.

When he finally went to his room, he slammed his door, and started screaming. Actual pissed off sounding screaming, and it sounded like he was throwing stuff. He is usually such a good kid....I fear he may be bipolar. I mentioned that to his counselor and she said that she can see red flags with him that may indicate that. I don't know....I just don't know.

His dad leaves in a few weeks for a 5 month deployment....and he knows that. I believe he has gotten worse since we told him. Or either it is a coincidence. Last time Huck was gone, Elijah had panic attacks and thought he was going to die. I don't know how he is going to fair this time around. I worry greatly about it.


I do know this....It is going to be a long, hard and emotionally upsetting 5 months for Elijah and I both. I hope I can keep my sanity. I am tearing up just thinking about it. I know I can handle my husband deploying, no biggie, being a military wife, I expect it. But the way Elijah handles it....is what I cannot take.....and having to handle that alone. Someone may have to stop me from hitting myself soon! At least I am now medicated! LOL

Please pray for Elijah, and for God to give me the guidance to know how to deal with Elijah's emotional and mental needs.