Not the Tower of Strength that my husband thinks I am...

Man, it is already taking its toll on me...good that I had a break for a couple months before my husband started flight school. Before that, it was college, before that it was 6 month deployments. I sit home all day, clean, do laundry, take care of the kids, do the grocery shopping, just waiting for the highlight, or what should be the highlight of my day, when my husband gets home from the military base. But it is a disappointment, he is tired, he has to study, he has to get some sleep, he leaves before daylight and gets home after dark. I am left to still take care of the kids in the evening, no one to take care of me....I know, I am whining. I internalize all this, but I get to let loose here (good thing I created this blog, maybe it will keep me sane). I know my husbands career motivations are for his family, his sons, his wife. If it weren't for his ambitions we wouldn't have our home, our cars, our comfort. Don't get me wrong, I totally appreciate all he does, but, even with the kids, the housework, all the daily things I do, I still feel useless, worthless, unappreciated and all alone (even with a 3 yr old clinging to me). I try to appear to be ok in front of him, not to show my feelings, he needs me to be a tower of strength for him...so now, for me, I need to lean on God. God needs to be my tower of strength...it is aweful how I ask God last, how I think of Him last. May God forgive me for not trusting in Him. Lord, Please help me trust in you to be my Tower of Strength.