Ok, I have had a great, but tiring weekend, lol. Friday night my sister, Pat and I went to see Beth Moore at the Jacksonville Veterans Memorial Coliseum. It was awesome, got home late, and had to get up early to go see her speak some more Saturday Morning, the event concluded at noon. And after we finished by all having lunch together at Cracker Barrel.
Something I got from Beth Moore’s Living Proof live event was a strong desire to be closer with God again, And towards the end of the event...I finally realized that I have been angry and kinda bitter towards God for not healing my mother. Now I just need to accept that He, Who is AWESOME IN POWER AND GLORY, chose not to heal her of her cancer, but he had a reason and that my mother wouldn’t want to come back in the first place.
For the past 2 1/2 years, I have always admitted that I had questions for God, like "why didn’t he heal her?" Because God knows that I fully know and believe he can heal people. But now, I have come to the point where I realize and accept that I have been angry for a long time. Like a child angry at a parent for not getting what they want. I just need to get to the point where I can fall on my face in prayer and tears to him and get my relationship back where it should be.
Even my BFF Tiffany could tell that I didn’t have that fire in my heart for the Lord like I had in the past, I told her I wanted it back, but I didn’t know what was holding me back. Now I feel like I know, but how do I get over the anger and hurt of losing my dear mother and me having the knowledge and faith of knowing my God can heal and has healed people, but didn’t heal her. I guess it comes down to me accepting His will for my life and my mothers...but it is hard when it comes to losing someone you love so dearly.
I used to ask myself, "Did he take her from me, was it because I needed her too much?" It may have nothing to do with me, but it doesn’t change the fact that it hurt me badly.
I purchased one of Beth Moore’s bible studies on the Psalms, I hope that this is a step in the right direction to getting my heart healed of the bitterness and removing the hard layers that have formed around my heart and spirit. Because I sure have avoided God’s word since losing my mother.
I actually learned alot this weekend, it gave me a fresh new look at Philippians 3:12-14.
(12 Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. 13 Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, 14 I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.)
God apprehended me and he has a prize set before me and the race isn’t finished until I have left this earth and this earthly body...and I was reminded that when I die, when I leave this earthy shell of a body, that God has Resurrection power, I will have a new body!
Beth Moore broke down some scriptures, and it was amazing. Jesus came and took on the form of our corruptible bodies, so that one day, we may take on his holy glorious form, in a new uncorruptible body. I never looked at it that way before....No more fat, no more zits, now wrinkles....LOL. I can imagine my mom looks so beautiful right now and is so happy :-) She always said she never wanted to get old...and God took her at the young age of 50.
Anyhow...after lunch Saturday with my sister and Pat. I went home and napped for 30 minutes, then got up, packed up my scrapbooking stuff and met Tina and Maria at the Crop Shoppe in Mandarin. We stayed and scrapbooked til almost 10pm....whew, I was tired. It was a blast, even one of our new Crop - Paper - Scissors members showed up to meet us, but she didn’t stay.
A couple of local ladies have emailed me and asked when I will be scrapbooking again, ladies if you are reading this, you should really join Crop Paper Scissors, cause we always post when and where will will be scrapbooking on there :-) It is hard for me to remember to invite those that aren’t on our email group, cause I have so many great scrapbooking ladies on my myspace friends list, but not all have joined our local scrapbooking yahoo group. It is just easier to email everyone at once on yahoo.
My dh will be home this week, I am so excited. Once this is posted, I will be off here to get some painting and cleaning done.
Thanks for reading this far friends, please pray for me in regards to my spiritual walk with the Lord. Also, please pray for my sister and her son Kyle, God knows their need. Also for my friend Marie Crow and her father, her 72 yr old father is in the hospital with Pneumonia, a kidney infection and ecoli...she is afraid he might not make it. Please pray for his health and for his salvation, because she isn’t 100% sure he is saved.
I luff you all.
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