Adam Lanza...Not the Face of Autism

     The past couple of days I have been assaulted with a barrage of Facebook posts referring to the "somewhat autistic" man who murdered innocent children and adults Friday morning at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Conneticut.  According to the media, there is now a public face to Asperger's Syndrome, a disorder on the autism spectrum. 
     I have seen Facebook posts saying that "medication is not the answer" and that kids with these issues need their "butt's beat."  I have read posts calling children with mental illness or disorders  'disturbed.'  I have also seen it claimed that medication is being crammed down the throats of these children.  These Facebook 'soapboxers' don't seem to be aware that there is no medical/medicinal treatment for Autism.  We are not pumping our Aspies or other children on the spectrum full of pills.  What would be the point, unless they also suffered from another ailment that required medication?
     My 12 year old son has Asperger's, and he is not 'disturbed'.  He is intellegent, creative and loving.  I am very 'disturbed' myself at hearing my own family members speak of autistic people in this manner.  Yes, the 20 year old man that killed those people was probably evil, but it was not because of Autism.  He probably had other severe mental disorders that were left untreated or maybe he was abused.  And spanking a mentally ill person will not help, it will likely make them worse.  Could anything have stopped this tragedy from happening?  Probably not.  But we don't know these answers and we might not ever know why this horrible thing happened.  What we can take a moment to let the world know that Adam Lanza is NOT the face of Autism.
    

Thanksgiving 2012

     This Thanksgiving was spent with my blood family and family that is not blood related.  But blood does not always define what family is.  I was with my husband, children, and one of my best friends and her son.  We had a drama-free Thanksgiving.  Huck fried two turkeys that were delicious!  Tiffany and I worked on the side dishes.
     Before we all ate our dinner (late lunch, early dinner), we tried to have Elijah say blessing for us.  He just stood there...silent...not knowing what to say.  We had Huck say the blessing...a super quick one and we told Elijah he could say it next year.  Everything was super delicious.  We had turkey, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, sweet potato casserole and delicious sweet tea.  We had the table set but we all ate in the living room...not all...the kids were in the 'man cave' and the adults sat in the living room.  It was a very nice holiday.
     I thought I would not do much school work over the week long break...but I was wrong.  Once I sat down and realized how much I had done this upcoming week I knew that I had to get it done right away.  So the day after Thanksgiving the work started.  I had written my Utopia paper the weekend before Thanksgiving and now I had a paper on women in Postwar Suburbia, a seven page summary/response to the Navy SEAL book No Easy Day, 2000 words written for my memoirs and an Andy Warhol paper, PowerPoint and art project.  I have finished all but the last piece mentioned.  I have started my research for the Warhol piece but have not started writing yet.  I believe I am going to do a zombie Warhol canvas and give it to Christian when my presentation is over.
     School starts back up tomorrow so I will cut this blog short for now.  I am looking forward to my Christmas Break which starts December 14.

Blessings to all.

My baby...

Yesterday was a hard evening for us. My beautiful 16 (almost 17) year old son, Christian, scared us to death. Something similar happened to him when he was 11 as well. Yesterday he was in the kitchen reaching into the cabinet to get something that was up high for his aunt Tiffany when he lost his vision, blacked out and dropped the large glass bottle he was holding. The bottle shattered on the stove while also breaking a plate. Shards of glass flew around the room striking them both as Tiffany caught him from hitting the floor and his head. His eyes were open she said...but he wasn't there. She screamed call 911 and my husband raced to the kitchen to see what was happening. He tried to grab Christian from her arms but she didn't let go of him. They both were holding him up when he came to and started asking what had happened. When I got to the kitchen their backs were to me and all I could see was glass everywhere and them holding Christian up with his back to me. Tiffany had a terrified look on her face as she told me to call 911. I went into panic mode...in my mind I pictured that he had been stabbed or cut severely. I didn't see any blood. I felt like they were keeping his back to me for a reason. I would have gone into a major panic and screaming fit if my baby had been bleeding and cut severely. But that wasn't what happened. When their backs were to me, they were just getting him to the other room I now think.
I grabbed my phone and tried several times to call 911, but I was in such a panic that I kept pushing the wrong buttons and apps that took me places other than the keyboard of my cell phone. It must have taken me almost a minute to dial the phone number.
Huck was telling me to hang up the phone because he was going to drive him to the hospital but I wanted the paramedics to come. And they did. They took all his vitals and determined that he was in no immediate danger. All of his vitals were fine. They did recommend us taking him to the ER, which we did.
At the Naval Hospital they hooked him up to machines and took blood. They told us that his creatine level was 1.5 which is high. They said he was dehydrated. We asked them to give him fluids and run the blood work again.
After the fluids his levels were 1.3 which still leaves us concerned because his father has the same problem with creatine levels and kidney problems. They discharged us after almost 4 hours and told us to take him to his primary care physician.
Tomorrow he will be seeing the doctor and I am going to insist on him seeing a kidney specialist and a neurologist. I want answers and I want my baby boy safe and taken care of. The worst case scenarios popped into my head and I need reassurance that he is OK. If something is wrong other than just dehydration we need to get it taken care of.
Please pray for Christian Ray tomorrow. He is the best son anyone could ask for. I am so proud of him. He loves God, he makes excellent grades, he wants a Christian girlfriend (he's still waiting patiently), he is honest, sweet and he's very respectful. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers. I will update everyone here -- so please make sure you subscribe to my blog.
~~ Michelle ~~

Mom's Last Year

     Mom and Dad went on the road trucking right before my husband and I got married.  They had been driving together for nearly 11years when Mom got too ill to stay on the road with Dad.  I got a call from Mom in an emergency room in some state they were passing through to make a delivery, Mom’s heart had begun beating so fast that they had to stop and restart it, if my mind is remembering events correctly.  I was very angry at my father, because it had been several months since I had seen my mother.  I told my mom that if she died on the road,and I didn’t get to see her, I would never forgive my father.

     Doctors in each state they passed through could not give mom a definitive answer on what was wrong with her, but in the back of her mind I think she knew.  She had been living in fear of it for years.  “I have cancer and the doctors aren't telling me so that I won’t be upset”, or "Did you tell the doctors not to tell me that I have cancer?" are the things she would often say; to the point where it drove everyone crazy.  It was as if she believed we all had a big secret we were keeping from her, that she was ill and going to die of cancer.  It wasn't until she stopped accusing us of hiding an imagined illness from her that she began to get sick.  I thought that she may have claimed that she had it so much, and truly believed we were lying to her that she ended up having what she so feared.  It was almost like she got it because of her intense fear and belief that she had it.

     Mom and Dad moved in with us in Milton, Florida around the new year of 2005. Dad quit his job with the over-the-road company, and got a local job driving a concrete truck.  Mom had health issues, still yet unknown, and appointments to go to; he had to be around.  They had their own room, because we had our new house built with an extra room with the thought of having them move in with us in mind. 

     It was just months before Mom died that her own grandson gave her an eerie warning from down the hall.

“Grandma, you need to stop smoking”, Christian said while playing his video games in his bedroom. Mom was in the bathroom fixing her hair, because she always had to look beautiful, and she told him that she knew she needed to quit.  Mom finished her hair and walked out of the bathroom and into the hall.  She collapsed onto the floor in severe pain and was unable to move from the pain in her ribcage area.  She thought it might have been a gallbladder attack, but was in fear that it was more.  She immediately quit smoking after that incident.  We found out later that it was possible that her diaphragm had been paralyzed by the cancer. And it was at that moment when she collapsed in the hallway from pain that would have been when the cancer damaged a nerve that caused her diaphragm to no longer function properly. The cancer had damaged the nerve that caused the diaphragm to move up and down causing it to no longer be able to move, it was stuck in the up position beneath her lungs.

     Mom had two biopsies, one in which they accidentally biopsied her diaphragm and the other they successfully removed lung tissue for the biopsy.  Mom called the doctor’s office to get the biopsy results and they told her she had to make an appointment to come and get the results.  That can’t be good we thought.  Huck and Dad both had to work that morning, and Christian was in school, so Elijah went with Mom and I to the doctor’s office for whatever news they had for my mom.

     I could see it in the face of the doctor when he came in the room, I knew it wasn’t good news.  He explained to us that Mom had Non-small Cell Adenocarcinoma, she had lung cancer and it had metastasized in her lymph nodes and to her shoulder region and her liver.  A later PET Scan would reveal that she had a mass wrapped around her aorta.  It was very serious.  But we all had hope, and we all prayed.  At night I would talk to my husband about it,and then when I thought he was asleep I would cry myself to sleep.

     About two months before mom’s diagnosis, we all took a trip to Disney World.  The doctors who couldn’t yet diagnose her told her not to go and to take it easy. At the very last minute Mom and Dad made the decision that they would accompany us to Disney World.  It was my children's first trip to the Magic Kingdom, and at the time we didn’t know that it would be Mom’s last.  We took a lot of pictures with Mom and the kids, in my heart I knew something was wrong, and I wanted to make sure we had pictures of our memories made together.  Even though Mom was in pain, she enjoyed riding the rides with the kids, their first time on The Haunted Mansion ride,and Pirates of the Caribbean, and her last. Mom happily and very ‘grandmotherly’ would push Elijah around the park in a stroller because at four years old kids get worn out at a park pretty fast in the Florida summer heat.  We stayed all day long, and ended the night watching the fireworks around the castle.  It was a tiring but memorable day.  It was a first and a last that will be remembered and cherished for years to come by me and my children.

     While in the doctor’s office Mom called my dad, and my mother tearily told him the news over the phone.  I called my sister while Mom was talking to Dad, I told my sister the news; it was in Mom’s lymph nodes…all the bad news.  My sister realized rightaway that Mom was going to die; I had not yet accepted that stark realization,I was still hoping for a positive outcome. My mom cannot die. 

     It was late August of 2005 when we received the grim diagnosis or D-day as I called it then.  Mom had many doctor appointments,got on a health food kick, anything to try for a ‘natural’ cure.  About two weeks, give or take a few days,after the diagnosis, Mom had a heart attack. She was taken by helicopter from the one hospital we had taken her to,to another one more equipped to handle her heart condition.   I was on the phone telling my sister the seriousness of it, which she didn’t believe until I told her they were taking her by Life Flight.  She and her husband packed up almost immediately to head to Milton, Florida to spend time with my mother.

     The last couple of weeks of her life she got weaker and weaker, she was diminishing fast, and we were too blind and in denial to see how fast we were losing her.  She didn’t want to get chemotherapy at all,but I wanted her to fight harder.  It was all happening way to fast.  It was only a few weeks prior that we found out she had stage 4 lung cancer.  (to be continued...)

    

Grandma Fish Basket

     I was around two or three years old when I had my first memory of my Grandmother.  She had a dusty smell of moth balls and dust mixed with the sweet smell of VO5 hair cream.  I have memories of her rocking me while I’m seated under her arm on the couch.  When I learned to talk I called her Granny or Grandma.  She has fine white hair and creamy white skin; if only she were darker she would look like an old Indian woman.

     Sitting under her giggly and soft white arm, I would play with the fat under her arm.  Granny often redirected my attention from the cold, soft and squishy flesh to the intricate pictures of trees, bicycles, birds and old fashioned dressed people interacting in scenes on her dress.  “Find the little birds”, she would tell me.  And later would use the same tactic when my sister and I would argue in the backseat of her old station wagon.

     Her dress was antique looking, even for the 1980’s; scrawled with various types of trees on a pale light green background.  There were red birds and blue birds and when I was old enough my Grandmother would keep me busy by having me count as many of the two different colored birds as I could.

     I have a lot of fond memories of my Grandmother, with her white hair, old dress, pink hair curlers, fake pearls and the dusty old moth ball smell of her apartment mixed with the smell of the VO5 in her hair.  I’ll never forget her or the fond memories with her dress and the birds.

     Grandma often gave us bags of pennies before we would leave her house from an overnight stay when we got a little bit older.  Our parents would have date nights and we had quiet evenings with our Grandmother watching Hee Haw and The Price Is Right. 

     Grandma lived in a detached old garage that had been converted to a small apartment so she could rent out her home for extra money.  Grandfather died before I was born, so she needed help paying the bills.  Her bathroom and kitchen was never fully finished so when we visited we had showers in an unfinished shower and used the bathroom by sitting on a five gallon plastic bucket in the bathroom.  She never did buy a working toilet.  The shower however had only cold water and only Grandma would get in it most of the time.  We were young enough to bathe outside in the summer.  During those long and hot summer days when we were elementary school age, we spent hours playing the Dukes of Hazard with our cousins, Jeffery and Andrea.  Near the end of the day, just before dark, to wash off all the dirt and sweat my Grandmother would bathe me and my sister outside with our cousin Andrea while Jeffery played nearby, often sneaking a peek at us girls bathing in the aluminum tub outside in the yard.  Grandmother would fill the tub with water warmed on her gas stove. 
 

     When our baths were done, Grandma would make us something special; she made good, country home cooking.  She made chicken and dumplings that we loved and they were one of our favorite meals.  And sometimes we would have Grandma's favorite, white rice and butter drowned in a pool of tomato juice.  She also made each of us kids a mason jar of powdered milk which she got monthly for free from the government and made chocolate milk with dried powdered cocoa or chocolate and sugar.  It wasn’t real chocolate milk but it was all she could do and we loved it.

     I remember many trips to the laundry mat with my Grandmother and little sister.  Grandma would take my sister, Christina, and I into the laundry mat to put the clothes into the washers.  All assorted by color and sorted by delicates.  After all the laundry was loaded into the washers she would take us to McDonalds for lunch.  We would eat a fish sandwich with pickles and tomato added, and usually shared a drink and fries between my sister and I.  Grandma Ruth, her full name was Ruth Corrine Creel Brazzell; Creel was her maiden name.  Grandmother was part Indian, or at least that is what our family says, and the name Creel means fish basket.  Once we learned this, we often called her ‘Grandma Fish Basket’.

     Grandma’s lunch was often a fish sandwich as well (isnt' it ironic, fish basket?), with the tomato and pickles, but she would always scrape off the tartar sauce due to her milk allergy.  Later, when I was an adult and eating a fish sandwich, I remembered my beloved Grandma Ruth, and her scraped off tartar sauce.  I wondered by she just didn’t ask the McDonald’s employee to emit the sauce from her sandwich.  She clearly had to alter her order by adding pickles and tomatoes; maybe she didn’t want to push too far by asking for something else.

     As we ate our lunch in the car with Grandma, we parked under a large old tree in the back of the parking lot.  This tree was big enough to cover our car fully in the shade.  After eating our sandwiches, and shared fries and drink with my sister, Grandma would take us back into the laundry mat to put the clothes into the dryer.  As little girls we proudly helped our Grandmother sort, fold and hang all the clothing.  And on the way home, more often than not, my sister and I would start fighting with each other in the car.  Grandma would say, “Look at the blue bird!” and we would search eagerly for the little blue bird that Grandma had seen. 

     I miss my dear, sweet Grandma Fish Basket.

When and How I Met My Dear Husband

     I was at the enlisted club at Naval Station Jacksonville for country western night.  I was with my mother and my girlfriends.  Yes, I was at a bar with my mother, she was my best friend, and we went everywhere.  It may have not been appropriate, but those are some of the greatest memories I have of my dearly departed mother.  I was 18 years old, just a week from my 19^th birthday, and I was full of life and energy.  I was at a point in my life where I had no interest in dating, I wanted to finish up my senior year at Middleburg High School, but I had no idea what I was doing after that.  Mom and I spent 6 nights a week in Country and Western bars.  I was a dancer on the high school’s dance and flag team, and I loved to dance every second that I had the chance too.

     It was April 19, 1994, as mentioned, I was a senior in high school, and this particular night we were at the E-Club.  I was with Mom, Misty, Anna, and a few other girlfriends I cannot recall at this time, when a gorgeous man walked in.  My mother was sitting with my friend Misty while I was on the dance floor.  Mom was the first one to notice this man, 6’3 tall, fit, and wearing boots and a cowboy hat.  Misty also noticed this handsome man, and said he was very hot.  Mom proceeded to ask Misty if she was interested because if not, then my mother was going to quickly get me a dance with this man.  Wow, was mom the wing-woman.  Misty said no, then mom proceeded to try to get his attention from across the room.

     Mom was a little bit on the heavy side, well, maybe more than a little.  But to me, she was still beautiful.  At her first beckons for this gorgeous man to come over to her table, where she was sitting alone while I was dancing, she was ignored.  Later we would find out he was purposely ignoring her because he thought this much older woman was flirting with him, and he had just turned twenty a couple weeks prior.  Older women were not his cup of tea.  Mom then got up, after fruitless attempts to get his attention at the table he was at with several other young enlisted Navy men, and walked to his table where she flat out asked him, “Will you dance with my daughter?” 

     She then had his attention, he asked her who I was and what I looked like and she pointed to me on the dance floor.  He then said he was interested.  When I got off the dance floor from line dancing, mom told me about this handsome cowboy and pointed him out to me.  I told my mother that he was way too good-looking for me, and that he probably wouldn’t be interested in me.  The DJ at the club put on a group couples dance that was danced to by the song “Wild, Wild, West” and I ran to the dance floor, noticing that he too was on the dance floor.  As we all partnered up for this dance, in which we all got to dance with each person on the dance floor, I was very nervous.
   
  The dance started and everyone went through the routine and it was getting close to me dancing with this tall cowboy.  I was so nervous.  Once I was in front of him, and he had his hand on my waist and my hand in his other hand, I immediately felt the chemistry.  We went through our turn dancing with each other with a brief introduction, all the while I am craning my neck to look up into his gorgeous and hypnotizing blue eyes.  I was flushed.  We finished the dance and went back to our separate tables.
  
   I wanted to dance with this man again.  He asked me to slow dance with him, and I said yes.  He took my hand and led me out to the dance floor.  The lights were dimmed low for the lovers on the dance floor, and when we started dancing, I melted into his arms.  He made me feel like I’ve never felt before.  I felt safe, I felt passion, I didn’t want to leave his arms.  When our dance ended, he left his friends table and came to mine and we have been together since.
   
  It was nearing 2am, and we always closed out the bar, even on school nights, and mom and I asked him to go have breakfast with us at Famous Amos in Orange Park.  He rode with his friends and they followed us to the restaurant.  When we got there and were seated, he ordered a ground beef omelet while I had the grits with grilled tomatoes on top.  We all shared an appetizer of fried mushrooms as well.  He didn’t talk much to my mom or my friends, he was very quiet.  I watched him observe everyone at the table, he was enjoying the company.
    
 When it was time to leave, he walked me over to moms car and asked if he could kiss me.  I immediately freaked out.  Not because I didn’t want to kiss this tall, sexy, blue-eyed cowboy, but because I had just eaten fried mushrooms!  Still, many years later, he remembers me turning him down for our first kiss.  We exchanged our numbers and planned to meet up the next night at another club.  When he walked back to the car he arrived in with his friends, they were laughing at him.  There was no way his friends were going to not mention that I wouldn’t kiss him.

     We dated for 5 months, now you may think that is not long, but we have been together ever since we met.  We met April 19, 1994 and got married September 26, 1994, one month after I graduated high school.  Why the rush?  It was because we were in love, we are soul mates, and the Navy had separated us and moved him to Virginia while I was stuck in Florida.  After a month of being away from each other, he called me and told me that I was moving to Virginia with him.  I told him there was no way I was going to live with him without being married, because I wasn’t raised that way, and he proceeded to tell me he had made arrangements at the courthouse and made an appointment with the Justice of the Peace for us to get married that Monday.  So, we married on September 26, 1994.

     Many don’t stay married having married so young and being in the military.  But we were in it for keeps.  On December 11, 1995 we were blessed with our first son, Christian Ray, and then on October 22, 2000 be were blessed again with our second son, Elijah Stephen.  We had a couple of rough spots in our twenties, but we love each other and made it through them.  When the going got tough, we got closer.  And come this September, we will have been married for 18 years.

Five Minutes...

I can find no reason or ryhme,
For it was just a fraction of time,
Five minutes out of fourteen forty,
It was as if I asked for something more.

My tears have fallen like heavy rain,
With twenty-four hours each day of pain.
Hours of more work to do,
Did you think me not true?

A knife through my heart,
My thoughts are now wrought.
Pain and sleepless nights,
A mere five minutes I sought.

It was five minutes,
what more can I say.
My mind races and my heart starts,
You display no care for my body's fray.

So much I still have unfinished to do,
Five minutes would have but for a little while...
Mended my flesh and eased my mind.
Your chide broke me and left me blind.

Love is amiss, or you in me no faith resides,
In me or my word, for either it must be.
Have I offended or wounded as now you have me?
But the preceeding, that I pray not be.

You are my strength, my rock and my tree...
Covering me from life's brutal storms.
It is but a trinket of time,
Something surely fleeting and free...
It crushed me to have you deny me.

Five minutes...
If asked I would give you all of mine.
Five minutes...
It was just a fraction of your time.

So Crazy Busy

     Well, what do I say, life has been extremely busy lately.  I will assure you that I am so tired that this blog will surely have many grammatical errors and typos.  Now...to the updates.
     First off, I finished the first summer semester at JU with a 4.0.  I only took one class, philosophy, and I found it enjoyable.  I was even offered a job by my professor which I had to decline because of classes.  I would love to take the job in  year when I am down to one year of school left and I would need a job at JU to get free classes my senior year.  But, I am covered for this year with the employee benefits that Huck gets by working at JU.
     I just finished my second week of Math 104, College Algebra and Spanish Essay Writing.  So far I have a 98 in the class (from homework and quizzes) , but I took my first 'test' today, and it hasn't been graded yet.  I don't think I did bad on my test, it didn't seem too hard and I wasn't stressed while taking it.  So, fingers crossed!  I don't know how I am doing in Spanish, good I guess.
     We have made some life altering decisions lately...we are wanting to try to adopt our nephew.  He is currently in foster care, and the first step would just be placement, followed by adoption.  We have finally gotten to the step where we can pick him up and spend time with him.  I hope that changes soon, because I can see he really needs a stable home.  The poor guy hasn't had it easy.   We are praying that we can make a difference.  But, we aren't disillusioned...we know it will be hard.  He will have to get used to us and vice versa.  We have cleared a room for him, I just need to touch up paint and get a smaller bed.  We currently have a king sized bed in there, but it's too big for the room, so we are looking for a smaller one. 
     Finally, after a year, we painted dad's old bedroom and Christian moved into it.  He wanted it because it was the bigger room.  We painted it a nice light gray.  We are going to put up black curtains and maybe a black bookshelf in there.  Christian has a tan desk that I would love to put a black finish or mod podge some cool black paper too.  I'll see if I have the time to take on that kind of project.
     I have recently been hurt by a family member, it's probably my fault, because I try to offer 'unwanted' advice.  I am a very observant person, and I can surmise things that are highly likely to happen.  It has happened before.  I hate watching something go down, and knowing how it will turn out and there is nothing I can do about it.  Well, I tried to have a conversation with this person about my concerns and was treated very rudely and dismissed.  I've been here before, and now I am trying to fix the aftermath of the train wreck I knew I was witnessing before.  I hate to say this...but some people have told me..."You can't fix stupid".  I hate to think that this is the case.
     I guess I needed to vent about that.  It's been bothering me.  I was hurt that my worries weren't even considered.  I have learned my lesson, I will not say another word, this person will not here any opinions or advice from me.
     So, overall, things are great.  I have the best kids in the world, the best husband.  School is going well.  I am so tired right now, and couldn't sleep without getting this off my chest...at least to the few who might read this.  LOL 
     Well, I'm done for now.  I hope to be posting some good news soon.

Busy, Busy, Busy...

I know, I haven't blogged in a long time.  So here it goes...I finished up the 2012 Spring semester at JU with three A's and one B (had to drop my 5th class at the recommendation of the Doctor).  It was really tough will all the pain I have been in due to the car accident in December.  Grammar, which I believe wouldn't have been so hard if not for the constant migraine headaches and severe neck and shoulder pain, would have been easier.  Grammar is the class that I received the B in.  It was hard to focus while trying to learn the sentence diagramming.  But even though it seemed really hard for me, I found it interesting, but, I would never want to teach grammar.

I picked up Humanities as a second major, I took Ancient Cultures this past semester and made an A.  I also finished Spanish 202 with an A, and my Outsiders Literature class with an -A.  Overall, I don't think I did too bad considering all the stuff going on.  Pain, kids, house, husband and physical therapy twice a week.  

With school and all this mess going on it's been quite stressful.  But my dear husband has been so great.  We celebrated his birthday last month with a small gathering of friends and family and then my birthday was in April as well.  He did an awesome job for my birthday, I have the best husband in the whole wide world!

Huck graduated this weekend, and we had a small dinner party to celebrate.  He didn't want to make a big deal because he has to take two more classes this summer before he 'officially' gets his masters degree, but JU made those that are finishing this summer go ahead and walk with the rest of the students.  So we will probably have another small get together at the end of the summer. **JU 2012 Graduates

Speaking of summer, I am taking three classes this summer; Philosophy, Speech Comm, and Spanish Essay Writing.  I have to get in as many classes as I can while Huck still works at JU.  Once he leaves next spring, that will be my last semester of paid college.  I will have to find scholarships to pay for my senior year.  I hope it won't be that hard.
I made the Deans list again this past semester, and also was selected for the Sigma Tau Delta English Honor Society.   It is a lifetime membership, so proud. :-)

Huck was also accepted into a Business Society, the was invited in the same time and ceremony as Major Alvin Brown.  I am so proud of my dear Husband!

My sister has been a huge blessing during  the past four months since the car accident.  I don't know what I would have done without her.  She helped with cleaning and the occasional neck massage when I could barely move.  Love you Christina!  And thank you to my friends who have given me emotional support, you know who you are!  I love you!

The kids are doing great.  Christian is doing great in school, and his teachers say he has a very bright future (he's Huck's son, of course he does!).   Christian is choosing to remain single for now, too much drama...and to be honest most girls now-a-days can't appreciate a respectful godly young man with virtue.  Plus, he is a republican and a Christian who doesn't believe in evolution, hard to find compatibility in a public school.  I have to get him back into church!  Son, I am praying for God to send you christian friends.  We will be enrolling him in martial arts again soon, and hopefully his friend Heather might help him learn to play the guitar (I hope).  And he will swim again when school starts in the fall.

Elijah is having a great time with his cousins.  He loves Judea, they get to spend a lot of time together now that they live in our neighborhood.  He hasn't dealt with any bullying at his new school (Parsons Christian Academy), but we are still having to work out some issues with kids that come over sometimes who have hit him and called him names.  I found out about it today, it is hard to know that your kid is picked on for his differences/disability.  It's just that kids can be so judgemental, I'm sure I was as a child myself.  But it is so hard seeing your child get called names and being treated harshly.  I hope when he grows up he can share with others about his struggles with Asperger's syndrome.  He's my baby, and I love him...I couldn't imagine him without it and I would not change him.

I did get some bad news recently, I finally had an MRI done of my neck and shoulder. The results? Well, here it is...

CERVICAL SPINE:

• C4-5 Broad-based disc bulge, abutting the thecal sac
• C5-6 Central disc herniation, projecting 4mm posteriorly with a transverse diameter of 1cm, impinging upon the thecal sac and abutting the spinal cord
• C6-7 Central disc herniation projecting 2mm posteriorly with a transervse diameter of 4mm, abutting the thecal sac
• Abnormally straightened cervical lordotic curvature

IMPRESSION: C5-6 central disk herniation, impinging upon the thecal sac and abutting the spinal cord. C6-7 central disk herniation, C4-5 broad based disk buldge. Abnormal spinal curvature

LEFT SHOULDER FINDINGS:

• Small glenohumeral joint effusion. The anterior articular cartilage of the glenoid adjacent to the anterior labrum is undermined by parallel linear increased signal intensity, indicating a tear.
• Diffuse increased signal intensity centrally within the rotator cuff on T1 and T2 imaging indicating tendinosis without tear
• Mild arthritic hyptertrophy the joint margins and join capsule of the acromial clinical joint. Small arthritic cyst along the intertubercular groove of the humeral head

IMPRESSION:
Tendinosis of the rotator cuff without tear. Tear of the anterior cartilage of the glenoid. Small glenohumeral joint effusion. Minimal degenerative arthritis.

The Doctor has told me that I will require neck surgery in the future, but we are not at that point yet. I suppose it will only get worse. I'm starting to believe I'm going to need some stronger pain medication too. I also have to continue with Physical Therapy twice a week.  BTW...I've burned out another heating pad....lol.

Friends, please continue to pray for our family.

I also started going back to my weight loss doctor today, he checked my lap band and it looks good.  Now I just have to do what he tells me to do.  So, starting tomorrow, no more than 30 carbs a day and I have to keep a food diary and see him again in 4 weeks.  I hope to lose 40 pounds before Christmas because my GYN said that is what she wants me to lose before I get a hysterectomy.

Anyhow, if you have made it this far, thanks for caring enough to read.  I will TRY to update more often to avoid such long posts. ;-)

First Week of School

Well, it didn't go as well as I thought it would. I was in a lot of pain! Wednesday was the first day, which wasn't so bad. But I was in so much pain by that evening that I only have 2-3 hours of sleep. Thursday, bereft of sleep, I had to wake up at 6:30am because I had a physical therapy appointment at 8am. I was so tired and in pain, I felt like it didn't even help any. Thursday was such a long day, classes started at 9:30am (walked in late because of PT) and my last class was at 2:45pm. After classes Huck and I picked up Elijah and met with a lawyer for two hours. Because of our long day we had dinner at La Nopalera. I took all my pain meds and went to bed by 10pm. I finally slept, but it took exhaustion to get past the pain enough to sleep.

The next day after classes I followed up with my primary care physician. Much to my dismay...she told me I can't do what I am doing. I can't keep acting like nothing has happened. I can't proceed with 'life as usual'. I was so upset I burst into tears. Then had to sit and hear how she had to delay Medical school because she broke her neck. I understand that I have to drop some classes, but she wants me to drop 2...that is a lot to process. :-( I will update more on medical later.

About my classes, on MWF I have Spanish, Grammar, and Ancient Cultures. And on TTh I had Outsiders in American Novels (a literature course) and Philosophy 101. I love all my classes...minus one. The Philosophy teacher strolled in 5 minutes late and told us to write our names on a piece of paper, then walked out of the class again for a few minutes. Most of us are staring at each other thinking "WTF?". I lean over to the young man sitting next to me and say "This one is gonna be a piece of work", the young man laughed. So, the 'professor' walks back in, spouting his liberal views and saying we are a socialist country and that we just won't admit it yet...blah blah blah. He refers to all of us in the classroom as kids several times (btw, he looks my age) and at that point I turn the name card around that he told us to make so he would know who we were, and I write on mine: Michelle (not a kid). I found out the next day that this 'professor' was born in 1980. Anyhow, I am glad I am no longer in that class due to the car accident. It's a delay I can't help. Ugh.

I have my literature class tomorrow, I am supposed to have read 51 pages of The Awakening by Chopin. I am struggling to keep focus while on pain medication and being in pain. I must be diligent and press on!

Much Ado...

I had my first Physical Therapy appointment today. I believe it helped a little, but about an hour after I was hurting again. I am hopeful that with continued treatment I will recover from this pain. Tomorrow will be a busy, busy day. Classes start at 10am and I will be done at 2pm. After I get Elijah, I have to head home to pick up Christian so we can all go to our 6 month dental checkup and cleaning. I hope all goes well with our teeth. :-)
I am looking forward to starting classes tomorrow. I can tell you Christmas break was not what I thought it would be. I pictured myself hanging out a lot with my friends and getting some painting done at the house. Needless to say, a car accident put a lot of that on hold. I did get to have a few good nights out with some of my besties, but not as many as I wanted.
Well, I will update more later. Gotta get some sleep for school.

Note to my friends and Spring 2012 Semester

Well, I made decisions at the end of last semester that I didn't get to share with all my friends. With finals in the first week of December, and a car accident that has left my neck screwed up, I was in a lot of pain so I haven't been out much. We had Christian's birthday the next weekend, and the following week still not feeling well and ended up with a double ear infection. To top it all off, we got a stomach virus before our Christmas trip which lingered a few days after Christmas. With all the pain and sickness I still managed to have a great Christmas. It was a crazy as hell month, which ended in a fabulous New Years party. If I had not had so much going on, I would have been around. So, please don't be pissed at me for being busy, sick and in pain. :-)
Anyhow, to the updates on school. I decided to double major. I am turning in the paperwork on Wednesday. I will be a Humanities and English Major. I just love my Humanities teacher, Dr. Barnet, she is amazing. She thinks I should go on the Summer study abroad program for 14 days in the summer. So, if I can get the funding, I will be spending two weeks in Rome and Greece! Friends please pray I can make this happen. I will go to the study abroad office this week and get more info on the trip.
Please check often for updates. I will try to blog more to work on my writing skills. :-)

Weekend Happenings

I have decided that I can't let this pain keep me home and miserable. So, I had a scrapbook date with a friend of mine whom I got to have some one on one time with. It was great. She is a sweetheart and I have always wanted to get to know her better. We had dinner and scrapbooked. We both sat in front of two nice ladies, not sure of their names, but it was interesting conversation.
Only downfall of the night was the pain. I had to lift my scrapbooking bag out of the car (Christian loaded car for me) and had to put it back in the car to go home. On the way home I started getting nauseated from the pain. So, when I got home I took all my pain meds. The bad part of pain medication is that you really can't take it if you want to drive anywhere. So, once I got home I took all 3 of my pain meds. It took me awhile to fall asleep, even though I was exhausted, because I fear dying from pain medications. I don't like taking them, but they help.
Tonight I am going to spend some time with Mindy, we are gonna watch Mama Mia and drink some wine (No pain meds tonight!). After Mama Mia we will probably get in the hot tub to relax! Not only that, I am sure my back and neck will love it!
Not sure what our plans for tomorrow are. But I do know we need to go back to church, it has been months. For some reason, I have a hard time getting up on Sundays with our schedule. We have a great church now, just gotta get up!

2011 Happenings

Well, I must say I have badly neglected this blog. Between family (kids), housework, full time college, and life in general, it kinda took a place on the back burner. I resolve for that to change. So to start, I will write about some good things from this past year, and some bad.

First I want to post about what wonderful friends I have. I have made so many changes in the past year and made a new friend at the end of 2010. I adore my BFF Tracy, and through her I was privileged to meet Brad and Mindy. Mindy and I hit it off right away. What connected us I believe, was our love of reading. At least at first. I love these ladies, they are such a blessing to me.

Good and bad has happened this past year. My friendships of course are the good and the bad being the cancer that Brad was diagnosed with in July. We all love Brad and are praying, and God is listening. Some good news recently were that the tumors were shrinking! God is awesome.

On the topic of friendships, this year I did some house cleaning in regards to who I hang around. I had a toxic relationship and they finally forced my hand to remove them from my life. I have learned to love and respect myself enough not to deal with gossip and backbiting. And I am so much happier for it! No looking back, it was like a weight being lifted off my shoulders.

This year has been a blur in some ways. I am just glad I have had my husband, who is my rock and my soft place to fall. I could not have made it through this past year without my dear husband. I haven't shared this except with a select few, but earlier last year things were getting tense in our house with my father. We were all butting heads way too often, and to be honest he was growing out of the small space he had in his room. With that and more that I won't write about, we sat down with him and told him how we felt and that he should find another place to say. It was time, mom passed 6 years ago and I felt that him staying with us was making him miserable and us as well.

That being said, it didn't go the way we had planned and it turned into an ugly fight. We are now estranged from my father and I fear that things won't get better. There is too much blame and threats being made. I fear that my dad has burned the bridge back to us. At least in my husband's eyes, and I can understand completely. With all that happened, I went through a mourning period, I felt like I lost my only surviving parent...and I guess I did, but it is not what I wanted.

On the home front, things are great. We have made our house our 'home' and it feels so peaceful. I actually want to stay living here now. I had previously not been able to stand it here. I think it was just the circumstances. We have put up new pictures and made our back patio a relaxing retreat. My dear husband bought me a hot tub and I am so enjoying it. We plan on doing some painting in our new workout/scrapbook room and touch up painting around the house. Hopefully, if God is willing we will sometime this year be able to fix the flooring in kitchen and fix our master bathroom as well.

December 2 I was in a car accident. I was rear ended by another Toyota Corolla. I thank God it was not an SUV or bigger vehicle. I went to ER because my head hurt really bad right away, I assume from whipping forward and then back to hit the seat really hard. They sent me home with Ibuprofen and said I had whiplash. Well, a whole month has passed and the pain is getting worse. So, now I am on stronger meds and start Physical Therapy next week. Oh, I will be contacting a lawyer as well. I was hoping that I would recover without all of this pain and inconvenience of doctors, lawyers and junk. I will update in the upcoming weeks on how I am progressing.

We ended out 2011 great. For Christmas this year we decided that since the kids pretty much have everything they could ask for we wouldn't do presents this year. Not in the traditional Christmas style. For Christmas, we instead took the kids to Orlando. We left for Orlando the Friday before Christmas, checked into and nice 4.5 star hotel and then went to the Medieval Times Dinner and Show. It was great, we actually were seated in the section of the Knight that won!

The next day, which was Christmas eve, we went to Universal's Islands of Adventure. Of course we had never been before, so the first section of the park we visited was The Wizarding World of Harry Potter. It was the best day ever. I actually went inside the Three Broomsticks and ordered a butter beer in a cute souvenir cup. The kids loved it too. Islands of Adventure, even without the Harry Potter section was way better than I thought it would be. I don't know why we hadn't gone sooner.


The following day we went to Universal Studios. Because of our fast passes we got through the whole park before it closed and headed back over to Islands of Adventure for a last butter beer. We had so much fun. Huck even bought me all of Dumbledore's Army's wands, a small Hedwig in a cage, and Hermione's time turner. I have the best husband ever!

We ate dinner at Universal's Citywalk and got back to the hotel after 1am. We were all so exhausted, but it was worth it. I must say it was probably one of the best Christmases we have ever had. The kids loved it, and so did I!


We came home and got to rest for a couple of days before we had a New Years Eve Party. We had a total of 9 adults at the party and I believe 9 kids (2 teens). I opened it up to all my friends, but only the few faithful best buds came. They were who mattered! They amaze me and I love them. (I do understand some friends had to work) We drank, we danced and we played Charades. Some even sat outside by our fire pit. It was a great night...and the last guests didn't leave til around 3:30am! Thank you to all my friends, and it was so great to have Christian's girlfriend's parents over as well. They are great and fun people.


Well, let's see if I can keep posting regularly this year, I do need to write more!